Category: Joke Board
Out of the mouths of Babes.....
What Is Butt Dust??
What, you ask, is 'Butt dust'?
What do you do or say, when an innocent child asks you something so innocent and they are so serious?
Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!!
JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister...
After a while he asked: 'Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?'
MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was.
Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more.
Melanie said, 'If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.'
STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night.
'I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.'
BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle.
Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her.
Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?'
SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups.
'Please don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough.'
DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?'
CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried When his Mom asked what was troubling him,
he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?'
MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant.
Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'
TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew.
Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'
JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story.
His dad read: 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and
flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.'
Concerned, James asked: 'What happened to the flea?'
The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget....
This particular Sunday sermon... 'Dear Lord,' the minister began, arms
extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face.
'Without you, we are but dust....'
He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned
over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'
Very good.
OMG I love these!
I remember a few of my own moments, and my dad won't let me forget the time I supposedly said: "I burped my diaper!" Never heard of a fart described like that. LOL
One time, I think I was three. I remember Mom said: "You take that walking stick we made you. You stick it infront of you, and put your footstep wherever the stick lands."
It happened that I went into the bathroom, and stuck the stick in the toilet. This is true, I remember vaguely doing this, and then I cried:
"Mom! I did it, and my foot's stuck in the toilet!"
Enjoy.
Blessings,
Sarah
lmao
When I was about 4 or so, I remember my parents made me sit with them through a church sermon. After some passionate preaching, the guy got quiet for a moment and then asked, "is anyone cold?"... dramatic pause. "Is anyone hot?" I piped up and said loudly, "I'm just right!" My parents were mortified, but the preacher loved it.
lol! these are great! some of these though... disturbing for a little child. :d
Two more, one Grandma remembered, and wouldn't ever let me forget, and one I remember:
First, I went on a picnic at age 3. I had to pee, and I was not having this going behind a tree. Well, Grandma had the perfect answer... "You see this?" she asked. "This, is a potty bush."
Apparently, I examined the "bush," with my blind, questing, fingers; examining each leaf, and the feel of the whole bush.
According to Grandma, 3 days later, I ran into the hous, crying, with soiled shorts. "What's wrong?" Grandma asked.
"I had an accident." I said.
"Well," she said, "Why didn't you come inside to the bathroom?"
With tears streaming down my tiny face, I exclaimed: "Grandma, you don't got no potty bushes!" And, I still wonder what would've happened, if she had a "Potty bush?"
Next, I remember this. I was confused. We had this place out here, called Taco Time. We got kids meals with "Mexy Fries ®."
We go back to Grandma's place, and my aunt, her kids, and Grandpa are all there. As they're having big people talk, I was watching a commercial for "Maxxi-Padds."
I remember thinking it had to be something like the fries we had. I walked into the kitchen, with all and their family there, and asked very clearly:
"Mommy, do we have any Maxi-Padds, here?"
Nobody said a word, and then, they started laughing. I thought this was mean, and Grandma informed me: "Grandma don't got those around here."
All I remember, was being confused, wondering what I'd missed.
Funny thing, is all my friends knew the story, cause my Grandma, who is now in God's Hands, wouldn't shut up, and kept telling the story.
I remember how I felt I was missing something, and it makes it all the funnier!
Blessings,
Sarah
Grin.
These are great.
lol!
I can't recall a time when I said something comical like these or other's stories here, but I do recall one that happened to a friend of mine. She said when she was six or so, her parents took her and her sister to church. While everyone was praying and being quiet, for reasons unknown, she hollered, "FUCK IT!"
Boy, did her mother give her a smacking for that. I cracked up when she told me what happened.
I wouldn't know about all the stuff I did, but my Grandma, was good at embarrassing me. LOL
Blessings,
Sarah
I saw one in a parenting magazine once that was written from the parents' perspective.
It said something to the effect of:
"My 3-year-old boy was watching football with me. I had recently had my second child. So the winning team was patting one of their own on the back, and my son said, "Look, mommy! they're burping him!"
Another one from parents magazine. Here are several more comments from kids:
1. "I was driving my older son to school, and Jack exclaimed, "Mommy, electric cars don't have gas-holes!"
2. "While we were listening to the news, a brief story ran about a local elected official who was retiring. My son asked what the word retirement meant. I informed him it was when people who had worked a while, stopped working to do other things. His reply: "Whoaaaa, that's what I want to do when I grow up.."
3. "I told my daughter that side ponytails were in style wen I was a kid in the 1980's. Shocked, she said, "You were alive in the 1900's!?"
4. "After I explained to my daughter that her baby brother's food is just pureed fruits and vegetables, she began smelling it at every meal to guess what he was eating. One evening, I was feeding the baby pureed spinach and peas. Molly took a big whiff, coughed a little and announced, "Tonight, the baby is eating trees."
5. "When my son's pet fish died, we held a toilet bowl funeral. after my son had time to process the event, we had a serious conversation about death, which ended with him asking, "When I die, will you and dad flush me down the toilet?"
6. "I woke my daughter up by whispering, "Haily, are you ready to conquer the world?" she yawned and replied, "No, I just want to go to school."
Some good ones there. My favorite is the one about the trees.
My favorite one is the one where the child asks if his parents are going to flush him down the toilet when he dies. Poor little guy. He probably wants to be reunited with his pet fish. how can you not laugh at that question?
TV I say is responsible for this.
Laughing.
More from Parents magazine.
1. "at a stoplight, my daughter looked over at a cemetery and asked what it was. I explained that's where people's bodies are buried when they die. she paused and said, "so they bury the heads somewhere else?"
2. "My Daughter and her grandma went for a walk around the neighborhood, and when they came back, grandma mentioned that they'd seen a 3-legged dog. grandpa asked which leg was missing, and Dorothy answered, "the fourth one."
3. "On the way to the beach my son asked me from the backseat, "Mom, when are we going to get to our destiny?"
4. "We were looking at the dessert menu at a restaurant when my daughter exclaimed, "Mom, look, there's mouse on the menu!" I explained that's not mouse it's mousse. To which Olivia responded, "Oooo, mousse, even worse!"
5. "as we walked into my older daughter's elementary school, I told allison to stick close to me since there were lots of kids in the building. She said, "can we just hold hands, mom? Cause I don't have any glue."
6. "I told my son that if he didn't start putting his toys away, I would donate them, and when he got home from school, he wouldn't have any toys left to play with. He replied, Well, one day, you're going to come home from work and you won't have any makeup to put on."
I love the last one.
Becky would love these!
My Nephew was in his high chair at a local Denny's, and I mentioned something about The Zone. When I mentioned my username, Aunt Hot Wheels, he said: "But Sarah, you have wheels. One here," he put my hand on the push-rim of my manual, "and one here." and he put my hand on the actual wheel.
I just have no idea if I can ever give this username up, now. I laughed for days.
God Bless,
Sarah
I have a couple personal ones.
When I was two, my mom took me to church. when one of the songs ended, I shouted, "turn the record over!" Yes, Records were a thing back then.
Part of my daughter's bed time routine is for me to sit on an excersize ball and bounce her for several minutes, then put her in bed. It harkens back to when she was younger, and it was the only way she'd fall asleep. Last night I was doing it, when she got down to get something. I kept bouncing and she said “don’t bounce yourself. That’s backwards.”
So you parents and aunts and uncles:
Did you ever wonder why Mom and Dad thought something was funny then, and now when kids in your life say and do silly stuff, do you remember back when we were kids and realize just how funny we all were?
I can't tell you how many "New Perceptions," I've had, now I'm the grown-up and they're the kids! It so makes me smile a lot!
God Bless,
Sarah once was a funny kid too
More from Parents magazine. Ages of the children are in parentheses during the text.
"After a bath one day, my (3-year-old) daughter put on a new princess dress and matching necklace. I complimented her on how beautiful she was. She looked at me and responded, "I know. Don't be jealous, okay?"
"My husband was trying to explain hazel eyes to my son. He said, "They're not really brown, not really green." Graham, (six), piped up, "They're everything mashed together like a hot dog."
'after I returned from a doctor's appointment, during which my (3-year-old) daughter stayed home with my husband, she greeted me and said, "Mommy, we did all of your favorite things when you were gone, but we didn't have the wine."
"My (3-year-old) son kept tripping and falling over one day. after about the tenth time, he exclaimed, "Whoa, I gotta get my brakes checked!"
"we were getting my (3-year-old) daughter ready for swim class and she started packing lipstick and my cosmetics bag. My husband told her she couldn't bring them, and Elizabeth replyed, "But mommy said it was a makeup class."
"My husband told our kids that it was our anniversary. I asked (5-year-old) Bella if she knew what that meant, and she said, "It means we get a babysitter?"
hahahaha, love these! especially the 3rd one!
When I was little, I always was so afraid that I'd stop breathing and die. Ever day, I'd have to have my mom explain how you don't have to think about breathing to do it, or I'd be to scared to sleep. I was always really scared of dying.
That's actually scary because there is a medical condition called Central hypoventilation syndrome which essentially causes restrictions in automated breathing. It's also known as Ondine's curse.
How do people get it?
Pretty sure it's something you're born with, but I haven't done a lot of research into it. The great Google could tell you; the Great google knows all.
Naw. It don't know my name. hahaha.
A couple more from Parents magazine.
Mazey, 5
"Before I stayed home with my oldest, I was a math teacher, so my daughter knows the emphasis I put on mathematics at home.
"During her first week of transitional kindergarten, she came home and excitedly shared, "Mommy, I did meth today at school!"
Aubrey, 6
"after waiting more than half an hour for curbside grocery service, I told my daughter we wouldn't be using it again until they worked out the kinks.
"When the employee finally arrived, he was very apologetic, to which my daughter replied, "That's okay, not everyone can be as kinky as my mom."
lol.
they are great
OMGOSH, Becky would've loved these!! Amazing these are all awesome!!
I was talking to my sister-in-law, and the baby girl was crying. My 3-year-old Nephew asks: "Mommy! Who's on the phone?"
"It's Aunt Sarah," to wich I greet my Nephew with a hello, and all that.
He said: "That's not Aunt Sara!" he proclaims. "That's a ghost, on the phone!"
I am now, a ghost. Boo! LOL